A sad soul can kill you quicker than a germ. -John Steinbeck

The following are excerpts from my friend, Lee. I always read her messages several times over because her well written words, from the heart of a friend always put the petty little annoyances in my life into perspective. Lee isn't a complainer and the words 'why me' are foreign to her. With her permission, she has allowed me again to post from her latest messages. Her 25 year old son was diagnosed with Leukemia. She talks about coping with that monster that has invaded her home and heart. 

" . . So tired, this pesky headache is still holding on and I've got a sick boy tonight too. Rick is fighting a bad cold so he missed his chemo today. Tonight will be a sleepless one as no matter how old kids get they still need their mom when they feel sick. I'm soo thankful to be well enough to take care of him. Rick had another treatment on Mon. It knocked him back a bit this time but he was feeling good enough to run his tired aching mom a warm bath after I got off work tonight so that was a nice welcome home.

. . I'm up and a bit wobbly today for lack of sleep. Rick thought he would be able to work again, he's needed that so badly if only for his mental well-being, but we got a call today saying that instead of 72 weeks chemo he will have to go thru 9 weeks of intensification therapy first. More and harsher treatments. He's a disappointed boy today but I reminded him that it's another step toward being done with cancer and treatments forever. I know he will be ok with it eventually he just didn't see it coming.

. . The past few days have been hard days in our home. Not only did I have 2 sick boys, Rick was so down that he called his oncologist on Monday to say he was dropping out of his chemo treatments. I've really had a struggle with him but I think he is going to start again now when he is feeling well enough to. I was just really scared and am still afraid that he might quit. He said to me again,' mom I don't remember what normal feels like.' My heart aches and I know it's been a hard road for him so far but if he just sticks with it to the end he has a better chance that it won't come back. Please friend, pray that he will stay with it since he said that Monday its felt like the first days after he was diagnosed all over again. I'm terrified of losing him. Little things for everyone else are huge for him right now so I'm so thankful that with our good Lord's help he's on the mend. 

I never dreamt of the journey his life would be when I held him for the first time all those years ago. Had I known I would have wrapped him in cotton and prayed for a different path for him. I just checked on him. He's sound asleep on the couch. His favourite car show is on and his arm with the catheter that they put the chemo into, is propped on his chest. I think the warmth of his chest helps with the ache in his arm. Anyway I covered him up with a soft warm blanket, like I did so many times when he was little, and as always I was praying that God will take care of him and that He lets me keep him for a long while yet. . . So many times, as a single mom I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, praying I'm not messing up, praying my decisions are the right decisions and that my boys will all turn out ok and be good people in spite of the mistakes I make. It is amazing don't you think, that we are gifted with these precious little souls, who we love and cherish and would protect with our own lives- but they come without an owner's manual or a help line number, anything.

. . Life has been like a roller coaster . . with ups and downs! We had a lovely weekend with my little granddaughter. (Rick`s daughter.) She is so much fun. We painted and colored read books went for bike rides - it was a busy but wonderful weekend and it just went by too fast. . . My mom has a little cross stitch wall hanging in her home that says faith in God includes faith in His timing. It's true, but it's hard to do sometimes. 

. . Things have been a little hard in my corner the past while. Rick had to have his pic line put back in last week as he's started into his intensive phase of chemo. We were at university hospital so they could put it in again. However the dr who put it in couldn't get it in properly due to an infection or clot they thought, so he was back in the next day having it retried when the line failed for his chemo. He has up and down days physically right now but he's struggling hardest emotionally right now. It's been 8 months of hard slogging through cancer and everything that brings for him and lately his spirit has been really low. I would be ever so thankful for prayers from you to help us thru. When we were in the city the other day we popped by Sobeys to get a few things before we headed home. I got a handful of things because he wasn't feeling well and his arm where they put the pic line was getting sore as the freezing was coming out. Anyway when we went back to the car he had a little bag in his hand and with a little smile he handed it to me and said he got me something. In it was a small box of peppermint tea. He knows I love it but I don't get it very often. He said he wanted to get me something cause I never treat myself. I was soo touched. I knew he wasn't feeling good and he doesn't have much money. Last night after work I had a nice hot cuppa and along with the lovely taste and smell of the tea I could feel my boy's love with every sip. Now that's heaven on earth.

Thanks for always being there for me. I pray one day I will get to do the same for you. Love to you dear friend! Gotta run soo much to do! Hope you're having a beautiful blessed day!

Lee."

Dear Lee – I read a quote one day and saved it for just the right moment. I think, my friend, today is that moment: "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they *aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Barbara Bloom



 

*AGGRANDIZE

verb

Definition: 1. to increase or enhance; 2. to exaggerate the greatness of somebody or something; 3. to add details; 4. to improve the status of something or somebody
Synonyms: augment, increase, enlarge, enhance, extend, heighten, glorify, glamorize, magnify, boost, elevate